In what I would call the world’s dumbest criminal mastermind, a fine upstanding American citizen was arrested a couple weeks ago by the North Adams Police Department for chasing bears through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet.  I am not making this up.

On May 11, the North Adams Police Department made the following public service announcement on their Facebook page:

“The North Adams Police Department is urging everyone to NOT chase bears through the woods with a dull hatchet, drunk. Yes that really did happen tonight. We understand there are bears in the area. If you see a bear, LEAVE IT ALONE and call us. We certainly don’t need anyone going all Davy Crockett chasing it through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet. It is just a bad idea and not going to end well. It will however, certainly end you up in jail…which it did. The hatchet man was taken into protective custody due to his incapacitation from the consumption of alcoholic beverage. We are still trying to figure out what his end game was. Any thoughts on what he was going to do if he did locate it? We would certainly like to hear because we have no idea.”

First off, drunk or sober, Davy Crockett would not need a hatchet to take on one bear or multiple bears.  And second, I think this guy’s end game was to have one hilarious drunk story or one hilarious eulogy.  Either way, this guy is/was a complete idiot!

This story made me think of what happens when you mix too much alcohol over a long holiday weekend.  With the Memorial Day Weekend Holiday upon us, just wanted to remind everyone who is traveling, camping, fishing, boating, etc., BE SAFE AND ALWAYS UTILIZE A DESIGNATED DRIVER!  This includes boating!  This is a huge weekend for law enforcement cracking down on OVIs!

Besides utilizing at all times a designated driver, do not mix guns, knives, dull hatchets, or any other weapon with alcohol.  That poor bastard in North Adams got lucky that he was not killed.  And to prove my point even further, please enjoy this video entitled “Drunk Guy Shots Shotgun.”

Do not be these people this weekend!  Celebrate the memory of our brave men and women of the United States Armed Forces in a safe manner.

But if you find yourself in a pinch, remember to always speak with an attorney before you speak to the police!

Be safe and Happy Memorial Day!